I am a living, breathing, walking testimony of God’s grace, and His grace is sufficient. This is a resurrected body. This is a new being . . . anyone being in Christ, he is a new creation. Well, my friends, this person that you see here today, the person who is writing these words today, is indeed a new creation. I have been crucified with Christ, but the glory of it all comes through His resurrected body, because just as He died and was resurrected, so have I. I walk daily in the fruit of righteousness, brought about by that resurrected power. I know that the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives and dwells within me, because I have encountered that spirit. I have seen the power of the resurrection, so much so, that I have also written a poem about it. I can’t recall the title right now, but I know it exists, so stick with me, and you’ll see it someday – and when you do, just say WOW, this is AWESOME, because it is.
When I finally identified the hatefulness that was within my spirit, it troubled me so deeply that I prayed in desperation to God to release me from it. I didn’t want to feel the pain of love, but I didn’t want to experience the anguish that identified a hateful soul. I cried unto “ . . . the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” This time God used Psalm 34, Psalm 48 and Psalm 121 as my ministering scriptures. Then I was reminded of two scriptures on hate – One in which Jesus asked, how can a man know love except that he has experienced hate. The Man was right on. Of course, he was. He was, is, and always will be the Master. He is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, and when He speaks, it would do us all much good to listen. Unfortunately, we cannot always hear His words, because our mind is too cluttered with fruits of unrighteousness – and we are too bogged down by the cares of the world to clean it up.
For a very long time, I lay wounded in the grave of sin and unrighteousness. Scripture tells us that there is none righteous, no, not one, for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and that there is none that seeketh after him. It took me a while to understand that, but that’s all right, because I am still being perfected by His grace. However, let me permit Christ to bring you the clarification in His own words….
In May 1999, I made a petition to God, based on a scripture verse – the one about some Eunuchs being born of their mother’s womb, and others being made. I asked God then, and many times since then, whether my husband was a Eunuch that was born, or one that was made. For whatever reason, God never gave me a direct yes or no . . . he gave me a so what? “What difference would it make to you, to him, to your marriage?” I said, “I don’t know, but I guess, it would give me a reason to hold on in hope.” He said, “And what if he was born that way?” I said, “Then I would know that there is no hope that he can be changed, and I would just have to carry on as best I could.” Then he smiled. Yep, God smiled at me. How do I know he smiled? I felt it in my spirit, and I heard him say, “FINALLY.” I said, “Finally what?” He said, “Finally, you are ready to go back into the arena.” I said, what? He said, “I took you out of the arena, because you were so wounded, you could not see anything but your pain . . . you lost hope, you lost confidence, and you lost the courage to fight – but through it all you never lost faith. Even so, I couldn’t risk putting you back in the fight, because you were too vulnerable. If I had left you in the arena, you would have been killed, just when I needed you the most.” I said, “But I don’t even really want to fight. All I want is peace.” He said, “Remember, some wars are fought to tear down bad empires others are being fought to build up good ones. The problem is not the war. It is about what you’re fighting for. Always remember, this battle is not yours, it’s the Lord’s and the souls that you are fighting for, the cause that you are fighting for, is not your own. You have to have a cause greater than your own to win the battle . . . and for you that cause is family, yours and everybody else’s. You believe in the family, because that is your cause. You will win because you are fighting with fervor, and because you understand the price of failure. Don’t let your pain cloud your judgment. Realize what you are fighting for . . . and keep pressing forward.”
Out of that episode came, “His Struggle is to Hold On,” so in essence, God did answer my question. He also answered my prayer by giving me a “virtual tour” of my husband’s mind . . . and O the clutter it holds. No wonder the man is so confused. His mind is storing up forty plus years of slush, and he desperately needs HDC. Unfortunately, he will not get it, unless he realizes the need for it . . . but how much easier it would make his day to day living. Ordinarily, I would have consulted with my caseworkers to see how they handle those rejections for intervention. However, God has given me his own method – pray without ceasing, always believing . . . for though it may tarry, it will come to pass. Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus. G L O R Y!
Dem (06/05/02)
Lifeline of Hope 